Archive: Bealltainn 2007

Bealtainn hasn’t happened yet in the Seren household. Or more, I haven’t celebrated it properly yet.

I had a bad night with Rosie, was knackered, and hadn’t been able to get anything for celebrating it (my mother came to visit for the week, so I was busy) - celebrating “in style”, anyway. So I’ve put it off until this coming Monday. I lit the ‘needfire’ (nine candles being as close to a bonfire as I can get) and did a special smooring along with my usual daily prayers, but that was about it. So Monday is going to be my unofficial Bealtainn, since the Monday after a quarter day festival is supposed to hold similar qualities as the day itself.

But the worst thing of it all, which makes me go “Bugger”, is that I forgot about the Bealtainn celebrations in Edinburgh, which is run by the Beltane Fire Society. Twelve years as a pagan, wanting to go to it for as long as I’ve known about it…and the first time I live about 15 minutes away from it, I go and forget all about it. Granted a new baby is probably as good an excuse as any, but still. Bum an’ gob.

Archive: Là Fhèill Bhrìghde 2007

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything about the spiritual side of life, mainly because I’ve had a few other things consuming my time and thoughts, but also partly because there’s a few things I’m having a hard time formulating in my head, let alone in words. But I feel it’s time to try and articulate a few things if I can even find a place to start.

My Bride’s day celebrations were very successful, I think. I never managed to get out and do the garden (in fact it’s still a mess) but I did pretty much everything else I’d planned. We had the haggis with the buttery mash for dinner but the bread and butter didn’t last beyond breakfast thanks to my craving. The haggis seemed more appropriate since pork never seems to have been popular in Scotland in relatively modern times.

I made the dealbh Bride - I kept it pretty basic for a first attempt because I didn’t want to spend more time worrying about doing it right instead of doing it as a focus for the day, so I just used straw that I got from an art shop, folded it in half and tied off the appropriate bits to make the head, arms and skirt with a straw that had been dyed red. A little more of the red straw augmented it all and I found it a really good way of meditating on the festival and Bride and what it all means to me. Unfortunately it’s been packed somewhere safe for next year when I’ll probably burn it, so I can’t post any pictures (and it’s really not worth showing of anyway ).

By the time I took it to the door to invite her in, with all the candles burning, my house felt warm and homey (for the first time in a long time). Tom was asleep by this time, so I had to creep into his room to put the doll in the Moses basket. It seemed appropriate to keep the basket in his room, so she’d be with him for the night. I also put a t-shirt out for blessing, which I wore while I was in labour.

I made the bannocks the next morning and none of them broke, which is supposed to be a good sign (and so far so good), and left some as an offering at my pond which I used as an outdoor shrine. The bannocks are definitely better if you use oatmeal rather than oats.

Anyway, I was thinking of doing something for Lady Day (March 25th) which traditionally marked the equinox in the calendar, and is supposed to be the day that Brigid finally defeats the Cailleach and sees off the cold and ice so spring can get underway in earnest. I wasn’t planning on anything big seeing as it’s not an ‘official’ holiday, but didn’t even get around to doing some bannocks because I was hoping to be a mother of two by that time and hadn’t had a chance to get the ingredients. And to be honest, I haven’t really felt all that connected to Brigid recently, so it’s been hard to focus on her. It wasn’t as if the ice had been defeated by that point either, so it was difficult to find the spirit of it as well.

Since moving up here I’ve been feeling a pull much more towards the Dagda and Manannan (Manannan being the deity I’ve had a relationship with the longest). Every day, weather permitting, I take a walk up to the top of my street where there’s a farm, a small playground, a bloody great cliff and views of the Firth of Forth and the hills beyond. It’s a stunning view, in spite of the naval dockyard plonked almost opposite. As I look out and meditate, I always feel them, Manannan ahead of me in the water and the Dagda behind…somewhere. It’s not usual for me to feel anything like that so strongly or consistently. As I look at the view, I always feel grateful at how lucky I am. It’s not often dreams come true, and yet everything I’ve ever desperately wanted in life has always pretty much fallen into my lap.

So I’m still not quite sure what I’m trying to say. I think I’m having a hard time with labels at the moment. I don’t feel I fit entirely comfortably with the recon community because I’m not sure what I’m doing is strictly reconstructionist. If anything I’d say it was more traditionalist, but from the traditionalist stuff I’ve read I don’t seem to fit in that community either…And in either case I don’t really agree with a lot of the material that’s been posted about what either path stands for. I don’t think anyone ever agrees with everything a religious path has to offer, but I think I have some rather fundamental disagreements about them.

I kind of like the more general term ‘Gaelic Polytheist’ (which I think I stole off Morag), but then again my Gaelic is abominable, so that’s not entirely accurate either…The Reformed Celtic Polytheism group over at The Cauldron seems intriguing but I disagree with a pan-Celtic approach so I don’t think I can get on board with it.

With all that said, I don’t feel having a label I can stick on myself is all that important. But it does come in handy when talking to other people.

Archive: Samhainn 2006

Although it was a while ago, I realised I haven’t posted about it yet…Perhaps because it was a little bit of a non-event in many ways. The day started well enough, being the first real cold day we’ve had so far, but my pregnant body and brain let me down a little.

After my big shopping trip and visit to the hospital the day before, I think I overdid it a bit and my back and hips decided to revolt; I felt a little exhausted too. My plans for a nice long countryside walk were promptly cancelled, then, although I did manage to take the dog to the park and I showed Tom the ducks and all the leaves on the floor and the berries on the trees. He was more interested in going on the swings to be honest, but it was nice to watch what little wildlife there was. So I didn’t get to go for a nice walk and have a quiet meditation on the scenery (the park not being exactly country). I was hoping to see some cows so I could meditate on the fact that I’m feeling drawn to Boand recently - I know it’s not necessarily, but obvious connections make it easier to concentrate, especially when I have no idea how to build a relationship with her at this point. Perhaps it just wasn’t the right timing for it, anyway.

My stomach decided to revolt over the thought of some buttery bannocks, so I didn’t do those either, but I did have a go at the stovies and cream crowdie (also called cranachan). The crowdie was nice (but I forgot to add shortbread, which would have made it much nicer), but the stovies were a disappointment - my first go to be fair, but not as nice as Mr Seren does them. I’m not yet ready to live up to Granny Rose’s 60 years worth of stovie cooking, it seems. Not that it’s daunting or anything…

The evening was a little better as I lit candles on my altar for the Mighty Ones and my ancestors, and then left an offering at the shrine outside as well as a candle for The Gentry. For some reason the candle seemed appropriate. Back inside, I spent a while with the altar candles and let my mind wander. I always get a sense of peace and comfort when I do this - nothing spectacular, but I know They are there. I gave thanks before I went to bed (early) and decided against trying any divination - I was too tired.

But I did have a bizarre dream where I was supposed to be studying for my exams, but I hadn’t been to any classes or done any coursework so I knew I was going to fail. I was on a field trip as well, so didn’t have time to posibly make up for the time I’d missed, either. There was more to it than that, but I’m putting it down to a typical anxiety dream about the prospect of looking after two young children - especially in the first month or two because I don’t want Tom to feel neglected because I know how exhausting it all is now…I’ve always had a fear of failure, probably made worse by the fact that I’ve never failed anything important in my life before.

Anyway, I figured that given the timing I should take note of the dream and work through my ‘issues’. I know I’ll be able to rely on the in-laws to take some of the pressure off us for a while and Tom’s pretty easy going. And I know plenty of people cope with more than one child every day. I guess I’m just having a hard time imagining it.

So I suppose that even though things didn’t go as I’d *sort of* planned, I got a lot out of the day. When I think about it, it wasn’t so much of a non-event.

*Off to ponder*

Archive: Bealltainn 2006

Bealltainn was a great success this year, I think. I had quite a full day.

The night before I took the dog for a walk and collected the rowan - just a few branches to put by the back door and a little to go in the compost heap (it was traditional to put a piece in the midden to stop the good folk stealing the prosperity from the house, and that heap is the nearest thing I have, since that’s where all the scraps go). I lit a candle to Bride and then purposefully blew it out and switched everything off before I went to bed - the nearest I could get to extinguishing the fire that’s supposed to burn in the house all year. It all felt almost like Christmas Eve by that point.

I started the next day early, greeting the sun as it came up (although it was cloudy so it just got light, really). After entertaining Tom until his first nap of the day I made the drop bannocks and took one outside to throw bits behind me, giving a piece to the Mighty Ones, a piece to the ancestors, and a piece to the gentry to ask that they watch over my family and loved ones. Being the only one who was up at the time, everything was eerily quiet and I had the weird, heavy feeling that I was being listened to, which doesn’t happen to me often. Even the dog waited until I’d finished before he hoovered up my offerings, which was unusually restrained of him.

Mr Seren, being off work for the bank holiday, also enjoyed the bannocks for his breakfast. During the week I’d gone to a specialist cheese shop in Stratford-upon-Avon to get some sheeps cheese to go with the bannocks, and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I chose a solid rather than soft cheese which had been made locally, and it managed to be full of flavour but mild at the same time (I’m not a big fan of strong cheese). I was pleased that none of the bannocks broke, because otherwise I know I would have been paranoid about ‘evil portents.’ (Duh duh DUH).

My neighbour had given us some potted flowers as a thank you for fixing her TV, so I used that as the nearest thing to a May bough as I could get. I hadn’t intended to do one because I have nowhere to put it, so that was a little unplanned. I did decorate the living room with some yellow flowers, though. It was a shame we hadn’t got the fireplace fixed up because it would have been nice to have got it set up as my hearth altar in time, but in the meantime I’ve been using my pond as my focal point because it reminds me of a Bride’s Well. Tom likes watching the fishes, so we went out when it got sunny and he had a good chuckle at them, while I left an offering and skimmed a little of the water to sprinkle over the threshold for health and prosperity in the coming year.

My oven, not being up to much at the moment, did manage to roast a couple of lamb shanks quite passably. I think Mr Seren appreciated that the most (he’s easily pleased). The dog later appreciated gnawing on the bones, while the cats were left to jealously watch him - for once they weren’t brave enough to antagonise him. And then, after Tom had gone to bed I lit another candle to Bride and spent a while in quiet contemplation before having a gloriously long bath. Thoroughly exhausted after such a long day, I went to bed and slept more peacefully than I have since before Tom was born. He didn’t wake up once during the night, and was even happy enough to play in his cot for an hour after he woke up in the morning, giving us a little lie in. I think that was the best part.

Part of me is a little shocked that I managed to actually stick to my plans and do something, rather than think about it a lot and then not bother. I’m still a little shy and embarrassed about doing all this in front of my husband, who isn’t religious in any way, and generally looks bemused at the thought that anyone would still be religious in this day and age. Occasionally he’ll tease me about it, as his way of showing his support and understanding (in a very Man way). This year, as I served up dinner, he wished me a happy Baal’s day. Bless ‘im.