Wednesday, 1 November 2006

Archive: Samhainn 2006

Although it was a while ago, I realised I haven’t posted about it yet…Perhaps because it was a little bit of a non-event in many ways. The day started well enough, being the first real cold day we’ve had so far, but my pregnant body and brain let me down a little.

After my big shopping trip and visit to the hospital the day before, I think I overdid it a bit and my back and hips decided to revolt; I felt a little exhausted too. My plans for a nice long countryside walk were promptly cancelled, then, although I did manage to take the dog to the park and I showed Tom the ducks and all the leaves on the floor and the berries on the trees. He was more interested in going on the swings to be honest, but it was nice to watch what little wildlife there was. So I didn’t get to go for a nice walk and have a quiet meditation on the scenery (the park not being exactly country). I was hoping to see some cows so I could meditate on the fact that I’m feeling drawn to Boand recently - I know it’s not necessarily, but obvious connections make it easier to concentrate, especially when I have no idea how to build a relationship with her at this point. Perhaps it just wasn’t the right timing for it, anyway.

My stomach decided to revolt over the thought of some buttery bannocks, so I didn’t do those either, but I did have a go at the stovies and cream crowdie (also called cranachan). The crowdie was nice (but I forgot to add shortbread, which would have made it much nicer), but the stovies were a disappointment - my first go to be fair, but not as nice as Mr Seren does them. I’m not yet ready to live up to Granny Rose’s 60 years worth of stovie cooking, it seems. Not that it’s daunting or anything…

The evening was a little better as I lit candles on my altar for the Mighty Ones and my ancestors, and then left an offering at the shrine outside as well as a candle for The Gentry. For some reason the candle seemed appropriate. Back inside, I spent a while with the altar candles and let my mind wander. I always get a sense of peace and comfort when I do this - nothing spectacular, but I know They are there. I gave thanks before I went to bed (early) and decided against trying any divination - I was too tired.

But I did have a bizarre dream where I was supposed to be studying for my exams, but I hadn’t been to any classes or done any coursework so I knew I was going to fail. I was on a field trip as well, so didn’t have time to posibly make up for the time I’d missed, either. There was more to it than that, but I’m putting it down to a typical anxiety dream about the prospect of looking after two young children - especially in the first month or two because I don’t want Tom to feel neglected because I know how exhausting it all is now…I’ve always had a fear of failure, probably made worse by the fact that I’ve never failed anything important in my life before.

Anyway, I figured that given the timing I should take note of the dream and work through my ‘issues’. I know I’ll be able to rely on the in-laws to take some of the pressure off us for a while and Tom’s pretty easy going. And I know plenty of people cope with more than one child every day. I guess I’m just having a hard time imagining it.

So I suppose that even though things didn’t go as I’d *sort of* planned, I got a lot out of the day. When I think about it, it wasn’t so much of a non-event.

*Off to ponder*