Saturday 5 September 2009

Frìth failure...

I mentioned a while ago that I was working on developing the practice of frìth in a CR context. I've been experimenting for a large part of the past year, putting my ideas into practice and seeing where it takes me, really, and while I'd got most of it decided and organised, by the time Lùnasdal came to pass I was still feeling a bit of a block as far as how the actual wording should go. I was hoping to solidify it somewhat, by then, but poetic inspiration did not hit in time. I'm not much of a poet at the best of times, to be fair, though.

I'm not really one for elaborate and formalised ritual for the most part (I'm not much of a Cat'lic as far as ritual is concerned, I guess. I like and appreciate a set, constructed kind of ritual, with each sentence having a strict and described meaning, but don't necessarily find it essential. I'd like to be Cat'lic, in that sense, I guess. But off the cuff, non-repeatable, holistic, can work too...). And having had some previous experience to inform me, I decided to go along with my usual course of action and see where it took me (i.e. wing it at the appropriate moments as far as what I was going to say). I had a vague idea of the wording, but not so much the specific wording...I hoped to improve, to find something that clicked as a definite thing to remember. So on the Monday morning right after my celebrations for Lùnasdal, before sunrise as per the descriptions I've seen, I got up and performed my devotions and went to the front door with the usual kind of prayer I offered, the door opened and the position assumed, I opened my eyes...

And saw nothing. Granted, it was ridiculously early so I was hardly likely to see anyone walk past, but I was expecting to see a bird or two or a tenacious dogwalker at least, as I'd always done before. But no. The moment clearly passed and still there was nothing - not even a breeze to move the leaves on the trees in a particular direction. I finally gave up and went back to bed, wondering what the hell went wrong. I'd felt tuned in, I'd felt I'd said and done what was needed. But nothing.

Then the kids got up, got me up, and after breakfast it was time for a shower. And then I realised I'd forgotten to remove a hairclip - my fringe needs a cut so I've been clipping it back to keep out of the way and evidently I'd forgotten to take it out before I went to bed, so I was completely oblivious to the fact when I performed my devotions to Bride, followed by offerings, and then performed the frìth itself...And the sources I've seen clearly state that the hair should be unadorned. I presume this to mean the hair being tied back, in anyway, too. Certainly that was the only real difference from previous attempts.

There have been things I've been unsure of in the past, as far as my level of success is concerned. I guess this is my first utter, inyourface, failure. I can only hope that my theory of why it went wrong is correct...I'll be having another go around the equinox, I think - hopefully this time I'll be more careful.